You Wouldn't Really Call it Friendship
by chiroho
Summary: Episode addendum for "JJ". After telling JJ that she's going to be leaving the BAU for the Pentagon, Hotch tries to define their relationship. Oneshot.


**Disclaimer:** I don't own Criminal Minds. Obviously.

**Author's Note: **This is a bit of a different story for me in that I wanted to write something in second person, more as a challenge to myself than anything else. So that's what I did. I'd also recently re-watched the season 6 episode "JJ", and was struck by just how much emotion _was_ showing on Hotch's face when he says goodbye - even if he does so with a fairly distant handshake. What resulted was this shortish character study of Hotch trying to define his relationship with JJ.

Thank you to **Moon Raven2 **and **Sue C** for the beta. I always appreciate the insight you both offer.

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><p><strong>You Wouldn't Really Call it Friendship<strong>

You wouldn't really call it friendship; at least not in the conventional sense.

Dave is a friend, and has been for many years - ever since you both were in the original BAU offices; "in the bunker", as Dave so colloquially puts it. Emily is a friend as well. It didn't start that way. In fact, you admit that you were biased against her when she first was assigned to your team. But when she quit her job rather than betray your team's trust, that was a turning point. You didn't become friends immediately, you're hardly the sort of person who opens up readily, but a friendship slowly developed. And then she helped you after the Foyet attack. You were a grumpy, difficult, son of a bitch - even if you hate to admit it to yourself. But Emily persevered; something that only a friend would do.

But you don't socialise with her the way you sometimes do with Dave and Emily, except when the whole team does something as a group. You don't get together for a glass of single malt after a difficult case. You aren't the designated driver for each other when one of you has had a little much to drink - okay, when one of them has had too much to drink. Yes, once or twice you've met at a park so your children can get some fresh air, and you can both enjoy the simple pleasure of being a parent to a child running in the sun - something your schedule unfortunately rarely permits. But although you're both parents, the boys aren't close in age and don't have enough in common to warrant a greater level of interaction. Even so, there is something beyond a merely collegial relationship.

You've shared many secrets over the years. You don't think she's ever told anyone else on the team about her sister. You've bonded when sitting together late into the evening reviewing case files, trying to differentiate between those which could be sent back with an analysis, and those which required your team's presence. She is often the first to notice when something is bothering you, though the reverse is probably also true. Whether that's because you usually work more closely with her than the others, in her role as liaison and your role as unit chief, or whether it's just her, you don't know. But not only does she notice when something is wrong, she understands why. That isn't always true of the others; even Dave.

So is it friendship? You can't decide.

/

It's more than trust.

You've always been willing to put your life in Morgan's hands; even if that didn't always work both ways. What you have with him isn't a friendship, you're very different people; but the trust and respect are evident, and will always be. Not only was he willing to step up and lead the team, your team, and lead it damn well; he was willing to step down. To once again be part of that family, and not the leader. Few would be willing to do that. Morgan was.

You've trusted her for years. Allowing her to decide which cases the team takes is hardly small for someone of your tendencies. Though you once joked with her that you thought the profilers made all the decisions, you knew full well that was something she did. How could you be an effective leader if you did not? And over the years you've come to not only trust her decisions in this regard, but solicit her input and insight into a case - even if she isn't officially a profiler.

More significantly, you trust her with Jack. After your bruising fight with Foyet, she was the one you asked to watch your son. Somehow you knew she was standing behind you without even having to look, though you're still not sure exactly how you knew she was there, and you sent Jack to her. You needed time to process; to grieve for Haley; to try and pull yourself together; and you knew that Jack would be safe. You wouldn't trust the most important thing in your life, your son, with anyone else.

That's how much you trust.

/

Guardian? Mentor?

There's a word which you saw once, and you're certain Reid has it memorized, and it rolls guardian and mentor into one. The word is tutelary, and it does in many ways describe your relationship with Reid. There have been times when you've acted as his guardian, and there are times when you've been more of a mentor - - particularly after Gideon left. Due to his age, it's a role that fit you both comfortably, perhaps a little more comfortably than you'd like to admit at times. After all, being the father figure on the team isn't one you sought, though it does fit your personality. You like to have walls, a space between yourself and others. Is it because you don't want to be hurt? Or don't want them to see that there really might be chinks in the armour? If you're honest with yourself, it's probably more the latter than the former, but either way you appreciate the distance, which gives you the opportunity to guide, direct, mentor, and look out for the team which in many ways is your family.

And yet, despite a not dissimilar age difference, you don't think of her in that way. In fact, she's often been the one who seemed to protect you - or at least shield you in a sense. You're obviously capable of taking care of yourself, but she handles the media; other law enforcement agencies; the families of the victims; she even handled your wife on occasion, particularly during the divorce, despite the fact that it was an abrogation of your own responsibilities. All of it gives you the precious space you need to do the job you know you're driven to do, and for that you are very grateful.

And although you'd never consider her someone that needed a guardian, you have certainly tried to be a mentor as much as you can. Whether it's letting her know how much she's needed; offering advice on how to deal with the difficulties the job presents; or simply giving her the time that she needs to work things through herself, something you all need but she rarely gets due to the nature of her position. And over the years she's become a significantly better agent; not only part of the team, of your team family, but a critical part of its success. You don't guard her. She guards, and sometimes mothers, you all.

Tutelary? Guardian? That doesn't describe your relationship.

/

You watch out the window of your office as she says goodbye to those she doesn't want to leave. It's a testament to her commitment that she turned down the offer several times before the decision was finally made for her, despite all the efforts you made on her behalf, putting your own position at risk more than you're willing to admit - though you know Strauss knows the details. It wouldn't have been right to have not fought for her the way you once fought for Haley and Jack, because since that day when Foyet changed your life, and probably long before, the team is your extended family.

Two years ago, when she visited during her maternity leave, you told her that "we miss you". Tonight, as you worked hard to suppress the feelings of loss that you know were still creeping onto your face, you told her "I'll miss you". And you will, in probably more ways than you're willing to admit. You know the others will miss her too, all in different ways than you will, but that connection you've had for many years will make it that extra bit tougher for you. And no matter what, you certainly won't stop fighting to get her back.

Is it friendship? Yes.

Is it trust? Yes.

Is it mentorship? Yes.

And it's so many more things. But that's what makes a family; one which now feels incomplete.

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><p><em>AN2: In looking at the date I last posted anything, I found it's been nearly two years. My how time flies. Unfortunately work, home life, and a total lack of inspiration have been responsible for the gap. I'm hoping that something else will eventually develop, but it's not there yet. At least, I'm hoping it's not so long before the next post._

_Feedback is always appreciated._


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